Having a terrible day

I'm so ridden with guilt as far as Trish is concerned. I have to show her that I will never be friends or work with Kevin ever again. I'm too easily to be manipulated by him. Trish is right.. if I was such a good friend to her, why did I throw her under the bus, so to speak, by giving inside secrets to the competitor? It's like giving insider information in he stock market. It was very dishonest of me.

Kevin made me feel like a million bucks, but that is no excuse for giving him what he wanted. I wish I could lay down my life right now because I killed something between Trish and I that I can never get back again.

These are the last words I will ever say to Kevin Leland written on his bangari blog:

"I'm still grieving over the loss of our friendship Kevin, but I will get over it. I let you get into my head. I feel like I'm going through a divorce, of sorts... because a friendship to me is much like a marriage. I might get upset with a friend, but I always love them... but since you threw me away, I have nothing to do but to accept that. 

Good luck to you Kevin. I want only good things for you always. I wish I had kept my distance from writing for you... I had trepidations in the beginning because I felt the techie stuff was over my head.

We would still be friends IF I had never worked for you."

October 6, 2011 9:14 AM 

I'm done with Kevin. I don't normally throw friends away, because I am 'married' to them. I have friends for life.. I have acquaintanceship and I have friends.  My friends I can count on one hand.. I don't let people in if I feel I can't trust them.. I have seriously thought about ending my life over this, because I can't live with it. I'm just too damned chicken to go through with it, and then someone else would have to clean up the mess I left afterwards.. so it's not fair to them. 

It I had never been friends with him and listened to him that wouldn't have happened. There is nothing I can say to change things. I will live with your decision and make the best of it... because my life does have to go on.  Getting stuck in the guilt.. and yes I will be guilty for the rest of my life, isn't going to help me be productive... 

I suck as a friend.  I don't deserve any friends.